What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant

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By Oluwaseun Bamisile


Are you chasing an avoidant and wondering what would happen if you stopped? This article provides answers to your question and more.

I will start by explaining who an avoidant is. Then, we will discuss several outcomes when you cease pursuing such an individual.

However, the third section turns the situation around by examining how to make an avoidant chase you.

Finally, you will find an FAQ section before the article’s conclusion. That section will answer a few questions people mostly ask relating to this topic.

Who Is An Avoidant

What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant

An avoidant is someone who exhibits avoidant attachment behavior or displays avoidant personality traits. They tend to maintain emotional distance and avoid intimate connections with others.

Avoidant behavior is often influenced by early experiences, particularly with caregivers, as suggested by medicalnewstoday.com. These individuals may have experienced inconsistent or unresponsive caregiving and emotional support during their early years.

This, in turn, shapes their approach to relationships later in life. Therefore, avoidant individuals have difficulty expressing or sharing emotions and perceive emotional intimacy as overwhelming.

Furthermore, they tend to be physically and emotionally independent. They fear rejection and try to avoid situations where they might be vulnerable or at risk of being hurt.

What Occurs When You Cease Pursing An Avoidant

Chasing an avoidant individual can be emotionally draining and challanging. Hence, when you stop pursuing such a person, several potential outcomes and dynamics can occur.

1. Emotional Relief

Chasing an avoidant person can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being. It often involves navigating a cycle of mixed signals, rejection, and feeling ignored.

Sadly, the repeated experiences of rejection can lead to frustration, shame, and even self-doubt, as established by ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Thus, when you stop chasing, you prioritize your emotional health and release yourself from the emotional roller coaster.

Furthermore, you can redirect your energy toward activities and relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment.

By focusing on self-care, you can rebuild your emotional resilience and create a more positive and balanced mindset.

2. Potential For Reflection

Stopping the chase encourages reflection for both you and the avoidant person. Specifically, the avoidant may reflect on their attachment style and underlying reasons behind their emotional distancing.

Also, they may consider the impact of their behavior on their relationships and personal growth. This could motivate them to seek personal development or therapy to address the issue.

Simultaneously, you can reflect on your needs, desires, and motivations for pursuing an avoidant person. This reflection can lead to personal growth, self-awareness, and a deeper understanding of what you seek in a relationship.

3. Shift In Power Dynamics

By ending the pursuit of an aviodant, the power dynamics in the relationship may shift, as suggested by magnetofsuccess.com. Previously, the avoidant held more control as you sought their attention and validation.

However, when you reclaim your power and prioritize yourself, you establish a more balanced dynamic that honors your needs.

This transformation empowers you to assert your worth and foster a healthier foundation for the relationship.

4. Increased Space

When you stop chasing an avoidant, it allows both you and the avoidant person to have more space in your lives. Hackspirit.com suggest avoidants can feel a sense of suffocation in a relationship and yearn for independence quickly.

Furthermore, they may feel their partner is emotionally reliant on them. Hence, they tend to resist as a defense mechanism.

So, by stepping back, you create more room for individual pursuits and self-discovery. This space fosters independence and allows both of you to explore your interests and goals.

5. Reconnection Or Closure

When you stop chasing an avoidant, there are two potential end results – reconnection or closure. In some cases, the absence of pursuit may evoke a sense of loss or realization for the avoidant person.

They may feel the impact of your absence and start to worry, as implied by neverlikeditanyway.com. Hence, they could reach out and become more open to engaging emotionally.

On the other hand, the avoidant may remain unresponsive after you revoke your pursuit. That may signal the need for closure.

Closure allows you to move on and focus on your well-being and growth. Therefore, it can open space for new possibilities and healthier connections.

How To Make An Avoidant Chase You

What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant

It’s vital to approach relationships with authenticity, respect, and consideration for everyone involved. Nonetheless, below are some suggestions to make an avoidant more interested and pursue you.

1. Commend Them

According to marriage.com, many avoidants have low self-confidence and self-esteem. Therefore, they might distance themselves if they believe you’re above their class.

Hence, try as much as possible to compliment them to make them feel good and boost their ego. Let them know you’re only interested in them and no one else.

2. Foster Emotional Safety

Avoidant individuals often struggle with emotional intimacy due to past experiences or attachment styles. To encourage them to be more interested in you, it’s crucial to create an environment of emotional safety.

This means being understanding, patient, and non-judgmental when they share their thoughts or emotions. Show them you can be trusted with their vulnerabilities by responding with empathy and support.

As stated by brianamacwilliam.com, avoidants get triggered when criticized or judged by their loved ones. Hence, they are likely to pursue a connection when they feel secure in expressing their feelings without fear of judgment.

3. Be Mysterious

Wikihow.com implies avoidants prefer learning about you slowly and steadily. Therefore, being a little bit mysterious may make them invested and chase you.

However, you should know that being mysterious isn’t about hiding your thoughts, opinions, or feelings. It is about not revealing every information about yourself all at once.

When you want to be mysterious and get an avoidant to pursue you, try not to be an open book! Give them the joy of exploring you little by little.

4. Maintain Independence

Avoidant individuals don’t like it when someone becomes overly reliant on them, as hinted by brianamacwilliam.com. Being too reliant can make them feel overwhelmed.

Hence, they are often attracted to partners with their own lives and interests. So, while it’s essential to foster a connection, give them personal space and avoid being a burden.

This gives both of you the chance to pursue individual interests and goals. Also, it shows them that you have a fulfilling life beyond the relationship.

5. Be Patient

Avoidants may require more time and space to feel comfortable and secure in a relationship. Patience is essential in allowing them to process their emotions and build trust.

Avoid pressuring them or rushing the pace of the relationship. Instead, demonstrate your understanding and willingness to give them the needed time.

By being patient, you show them that you respect their boundaries. Also, you show them you’re committed to nurturing a healthy connection at a pace that feels comfortable to both of you.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Do Avoidants Care When You Leave?

Avoidants may have varying degrees of emotional response when someone leaves their life. Hence, some avoidant individuals may care when you leave, potentially reaching out.

Meanwhile, some may embrace their new-found independence and move on.

2. When Should You Let Go Of An Avoidant?

If your relationship with an avoidant damages your emotional and mental well-being, it may be time you let go.

3. What Hurts An Avoidant?

Being judged or criticized by a loved one can hurt an avoidant.

4. Who Is An Avoidant?

An avoidant is an individual who demonstrates avoidant attachment behavior or exhibits avoidant personality traits. They typically keep their emotions at a distance and avoid forming close relationships with others.

5. What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant?

Several things could happen when you stop chasing an avoidant. These include emotional relief, a shift in power dynamics, and reconnection or closure.


Avoidants are unique individuals that avoid forming intimate relationships with others due to early experience. Therefore, when you stop chasing them, several potential outcomes can arise.

For example, you can shift the relationship dynamic and encourage self-reflection. However, it’s important to acknowledge that each situation is unique, and the specific outcomes may vary.

In the end, stopping the chase of an avoidant person can be a transformative act of self-care.

We genuinely hope that the information provided in this article has benefited you. If you have found value in it, we would sincerely appreciate your support in sharing the article on social media.

If you’re interested in exploring more articles on topics related to relationships, we invite you to visit our Relationships page.

References And Further Reading

  1. hackspirit.com – 10 things that happen when you stop chasing an avoidant
  3. magnetofsuccess.com – What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant?
  4. harnessmagazine.com – What Happens when you Stop Chasing an Avoidant?
  5. theattractiongame.com – Here’s What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant
  6. medicalnewstoday.com – What is avoidant attachment?
  7. mindbodygreen.com – 5 Signs You’re Dating An Avoidant + What To Do About It
  8. parentingforbrain.com – Avoidant Attachment: 13 Causes, Signs & How It Affects Relationships
  9. attachmentproject.com – Avoidant Attachment Style: Causes & Symptoms
  10. webmd.com – What Is Avoidant Attachment?
  11. exboyfriendrecovery.com – Here’s What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant?
  12. learning-mind.com – What Happens When You Stop Chasing an Avoidant? 9 Surprising Things to Expect  
  13. wikihow.com – How to Get an Avoidant to Chase You
  14. marriage.com – How to Get an Avoidant to Chase You- 10 Ways
  15. brianamacwilliam.com – Avoidant Attachment Triggers: The Top 6 Triggers [2023 Guide]

About the Author

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Oluwaseun Bamisile

Oluwaseun is the Lead Content Editor at Ilifeguides.com. He holds a National Diploma in Computer Science (currently studying part-time for his Higher National Diploma). An internet geek with a love for automobiles, he writes relationship articles, travel guides, and general life hacks on the site.

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