How To Tell Someone You Cheated

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By Oluwaseun Bamisile


Are you getting worked up by guilt due to your infidelity? If you need help telling someone you cheated, this guide is for you.

I will start this article by providing several reasons why you should inform your partner about your unfaithfulness. Then, we will discuss when to talk about your affair with your significant other.

Following that, I will offer various ways to have this difficult conversation.

Finally, I will include an FAQ section, answering common questions related to this topic.

Why Inform Your Partner You Cheated?

Why Inform Your Partner You Cheated?

When deciding whether or not to disclose an affair to a partner, it’s important to consider different factors. Though each situation can be unique, here are some reasons and opinions revealing cheating to a partner can be beneficial.

1. Honesty And Rebuilding Trust

In any healthy relationship, honesty is a crucial element. The partner who has been betrayed often loses trust when cheating occurs.

Hence, sharing the truth can be vital in restoring that trust.

Besides, by being honest about your unfaithfulness, you demonstrate remorse and a willingness to take responsibility for your actions. This open and honest communication allows you and your partner to address your feelings and work together to heal the relationship.

Establishing a foundation of trust becomes challenging when honesty is absent, hindering the relationship’s progress.

2. Emotional Closure And Self-Reflection

Confessing you cheated provides an opportunity for you to reflect on your actions. It also gives you the chance to take responsibility and seek emotional closure.

By facing the consequences of your infidelity, you can better understand the reasons behind your action. This process of self-reflection can lead to personal growth and development.

Therefore, helping you address any underlying issues or insecurities that contributed to your unfaithfulness.

Besides, through self-reflection and personal growth, you may also be able to prevent similar mistakes in future relationships. Thus, leading to healthier and more fulfilling connections.

3. Relationship Repair

Revealing you cheated in a relationship can create an environment for open and honest communication between you and your partner. This can foster intimacy and facilitate relationship repair.

Sharing experiences, emotions, and thoughts about your unfaithfulness allows both partners to engage in deep and meaningful conversations. This level of vulnerability and transparency can help rebuild emotional connections and foster a stronger sense of intimacy.

Through honest communication, couples can address the root causes of infidelity. It can also help express their expectations and work towards rebuilding a healthier relationship.

In fact, according to a survey published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 81% of participants believed confessing infidelity is necessary for relationship repair.

4. Sexual Health Risk

Cheating can increase the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Hence, if you don’t inform your partner about your affair, they may be unable to make informed decisions about their sexual health.

Thus, telling someone when you’ve cheated is essential, even if you are unsure if you have an STD. This will help them to make informed decisions about their sexual health.

5. To Avoid Further Damage To The Relationship

If you don’t tell someone you cheated, they may eventually find out independently. This could lead to more issues and anger than if you had told them upfront.

So, by coming clean, you can allow your partner to process what happened. Also, you allow them to make an informed decision if they want to stay in the relationship or not.

When To Tell Your Significant Other You Cheated

Informing your partner about your adultery will be a big revelation to them. So, it has to be about them and not you.

If you’re only confessing to ease your own guilt, you’re not acting in your partner’s best interest. That is not much of an improvement from where you were before. suggest planning a time with your partner when things are relatively calm, with no impending deadlines. Don’t do it ten minutes before you leave for work.

Also, don’t do it before your partner’s big occasion. Most importantly, don’t do it over a text! 

Be sensitive to your partner’s needs. Remember, this has to be about them, not you.

How To Discuss An Affair With Your Partner

How To Discuss An Affair With Your Partner

When discussing infidelity with your partner, it’s important to approach the conversation with empathy, sensitivity, and honesty. Below are a couple of ways to navigate this challenging discussion.

1. Choose The Right Place And Time

Choosing the right time and location for the conversation is vital to ensure a safe and comfortable environment. Look for a time when you and your partner are relaxed and free from distractions.

Timing is vital because starting the conversation during a heated argument or when emotions are high may escalate things. Also, creating a space where you and your partners can engage in open dialogue without feeling rushed or pressured is essential.

Additionally, the place you choose should offer a sense of privacy. Consider finding a comfortable and neutral setting where you can have an intimate conversation without the risk of interruptions.

By carefully selecting the time and place, you demonstrate your commitment to meaningful conversation.

2. Take Responsibility And Show Genuine Remorse

Expressing accountability and genuine remorse is crucial when discussing an affair with your partner. This entails acknowledging the impact of your actions and taking responsibility for the pain you’ve caused.

Moreover, when expressing regret, it’s important to state precisely what you are apologizing for and avoid making excuses. Specifically, use “I” statements to communicate your intentions and feelings.

For instance, you can say, “I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you,” or “I deeply regret betraying your trust.” Also, avoid using “but” as much as possible – don’t say “I am sorry, but.”

Remember, the key is to focus on what you did wrong, not what your partner could have done better.

3. Be Prepared For Emotional Reactions

When discussing your infidelity, you should prepare yourself for your partner’s various emotional responses. They could feel strong emotions like rage, sorrow, disbelief, or confusion.

Being prepared to handle emotional reactions can help you approach this conversation with empathy and understanding.

Avoid interrupting, and do not try to control their emotions. Instead, provide a safe space for them to express themselves fully.

4. Communicate Openly And Honestly

When discussing infidelity with your partner, it’s essential to prioritize open and honest communication. This means discussing your motivations, feelings, and any contributing factors that led to the situation.

Provide a detailed explanation of your unfaithfulness clearly and concisely without using vague language. Say, “I had sex with this person on two different occasions,” rather than saying, “I hooked up with this person a few times.”

Don’t leave any information open to interpretation. Also, don’t try to soften the blow by lying.

5. Allow Questions And Provide Reassurance

When the topic of unfaithfulness arises, your partner will most likely have many questions. Being open to answering these questions sincerely and offering reassurance throughout the discussion is crucial.

This can help your partner process the issue and better understand what happened.

Also, know that repeated questioning could be part of their healing process. Hence, avoid becoming defensive or impatient.

6. Give Your Partner Space

When discussing cheating with your spouse, you should know that your partner might need time and space to process their emotions and make decisions. Respect their boundaries and need for personal reflection.

Furthermore, avoid pressuring them for immediate forgiveness or resolution. Give them the freedom to process their emotions at their own pace.

However, assure them of your commitment to supporting their healing journey.

7. Seek Professional Support

Navigating the complexities of infidelity can be challenging for you and your partner. Hence, seeking professional support can be highly beneficial.

Thus, consider involving a therapist or relationship counselor to guide you through the healing process.

Besides, suggests that couples who seek professional help have better chances of repairing their relationship after infidelity.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Should I Tell Someone I Cheated?

Deciding whether or not to disclose your infidelity to your partner is a deeply personal choice. However, many experts believe honesty is crucial for a relationship’s health.

Keeping such an important secret can ruin trust and hinder genuine intimacy. Thus, you should consider the potential benefits and consequences.

Then, weigh them against your relationship’s honesty, transparency, and respect values.

2. How Do I Approach The Conversation About My Infidelity?

When approaching the conversation, it’s important to be sincere, empathetic, and honest. Take ownership of your actions, express true remorse, and expect your partner to react emotionally.

3. How Much Detail Should I Provide About My Affair?

While honesty is important, providing excessive details about your affair can cause unnecessary pain. It can also cause potential harm to the healing process.

Thus, focus on providing the necessary information your partner needs to understand the situation. Also, avoid dwelling on explicit or hurtful details.

4. Should I Expect My Partner To Forgive Me Immediately After Confessing My Unfaithfulness?

Forgiveness is a complex process. Also, it varies for each individual and relationship.

Hence, avoid pressuring your partner for immediate forgiveness. Be patient and show that you are committed to rebuilding trust.

5. Is Seeking Professional Help Recommended For Unfaithfulness?

Consulting with a therapist or relationship counselor specializing in infidelity can be extremely helpful. They can offer valuable guidance and facilitate a secure environment for open communication.


Telling your partner that you have cheated is an emotionally challenging and complex process. It is a deeply personal decision that depends on your circumstances and relationship dynamics.

However, many experts emphasize the importance of honesty and the motivation behind confessing to cheating. Nonetheless, not everyone believes coming clean is a good idea.

For instance, keeping your affair a secret may be better if you plan to leave the relationship. In fact, according to, psychotherapist Deborah Duley often advises her clients against telling their partners about cheating – especially if it is something that will not be repeated.

Nevertheless, whether the relationship survives the situation or not, taking responsibility contributes to your healing.

We appreciate your time reading this article and hope you have found it helpful. If you have, we would be grateful if you could share it with your friends on social media platforms.

For more content like this, please visit our Relationships page.

References And Further Reading

  1. – How to tell someone you cheated on them in the kindest way possible
  2. – We Asked Relationship Coaches How to Tell a Partner You’ve Cheated
  3. – How to Tell Your Partner That You Cheated
  4. – How Do I Tell My Partner I Cheated on Them?
  5. – How To Tell Someone You Cheated (9 Easy Ways)
  6. – Infidelity
  7. – Should You ALWAYS Tell Your Partner if You Cheat?
  8. – When To Tell Your Partner You Cheated—And When It’s Best *Not* To, According to Relationship Experts

About the Author

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Oluwaseun Bamisile

Oluwaseun is the Lead Content Editor at He holds a National Diploma in Computer Science (currently studying part-time for his Higher National Diploma). An internet geek with a love for automobiles, he writes relationship articles, travel guides, and general life hacks on the site.

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